anger and all that goes with it

i have to post this now because i am so full of anger right now that my blood pressure has risen to a new level. this may sound stupid to most people, but it totally p's me off. my niece recently posted a blog and had the audacity to also post it on facebook about the "psychic connection" that she and her family (my brother) have with my now deceased mom. well, good for them because i have never received any "signs" from my mother. i guess it boils down to sour grapes, but my brother was always her favorite. once my mom had passed away, my brother and his family severed any ties with me. i warned my son that this would happen, and it did. they never call to see how i'm doing; i always have to initiate the contact and it seems to be a forced conversation on their end. the last thing i wanted to vent about was the fact that they have both the ashes of my mother and my father with them and i have nothing but memories.

Quality vs. Quantity

With the status of my health being what it is, I have come to realize that there are decisions I need to make. Fifteen years ago I was told by a radiation oncology doctor that "it's gonna come back and get you right there", pointing to my pelvic area since I was diagnosed with stage three cervical cancer. But then chided that "20 years from now you'll be here thanking me with a bag tied to your leg". He meant colostomy bag. So with what I am experiencing now, he was right, he just missed it by five years. I need to make tough choices with my next set of appointments; to let this "thing" run it's course or prolong it with artifical hope. I have always been a fan of quality of life far outweighs quantity of life. I have no desire to prolong my life with the chance of making myself and those around me miserable. I think I have already made up my mind about the choice I will make; but time will tell.