Saturday, May 29, 2010
anger and all that goes with it
i have to post this now because i am so full of anger right now that my blood pressure has risen to a new level. this may sound stupid to most people, but it totally p's me off. my niece recently posted a blog and had the audacity to also post it on facebook about the "psychic connection" that she and her family (my brother) have with my now deceased mom. well, good for them because i have never received any "signs" from my mother. i guess it boils down to sour grapes, but my brother was always her favorite. once my mom had passed away, my brother and his family severed any ties with me. i warned my son that this would happen, and it did. they never call to see how i'm doing; i always have to initiate the contact and it seems to be a forced conversation on their end. the last thing i wanted to vent about was the fact that they have both the ashes of my mother and my father with them and i have nothing but memories.
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I have ashes too, my mom's, waiting until my dad dies so they can be buried together. This may not mean the same to you, but they are no comfort. They are simply ashes, taking up space and filling in time. They are an obligation. A loving one, but nothing more. She has long since left.
ReplyDeleteSteve has his sister's ashes, another loving obligation until we head west this summer and scatter them where she wanted them to go. I can't speak for him, but I believe the act of scattering, with friends and family around, is what will have meaning, not their actual possession.
If your parents' ashes themselves are what have meaning for you, then this will be no comfort. If, however, what's going on is more of a power play among siblings, then the ashes represent that and take on extra symbolism. I'm just guessing here, and may be wide of the mark. If it is about power, then it's up to you to chose how you will react to that, and how much of it will get under your skin.
You do have your memories, and nobody can take them away from you. Some will be warming, some painful. They are whatever they are. Took me years to come to terms with my mother, but I finally did, good and bad.
As to bragging about a "psychic connection", pardon my prejudices here, but bullshit! Complete crap! I don't believe in that, never have. Makes great campfire stories, puffs up deflated egos, nothing more. Wishful thinking tells me that I've won the lottery too, but that doesn't make it real. Sounds to me like your brother's family has everything but love, and are trying to claim all sorts of importance so they don't have to acknowledge what they don't have.
You, Vickie, have love. He's living in the same house as you, and he's a great guy. What's more, you can love him back. You even have enough love that you can keep trying to reach out to your family, and the way they treat you, that's really something! I'd say you got the real family treasure.
vickie,
ReplyDeleteYes, the duty of spreading my sisters ashes is mine, also the honor of doing it. I understand bad feelings with the family as I am and always have been the black sheep and the under achiever.
A cousin that I grew up with and was very close to met a girl with whom I was in love.
They became engaged and got married , although the relationship was strained we stayed in touch. A few years ago on a trip out west I visted them, it seemingly went well until I got home. When I called them they refused to answer. When I wrote there was no reply. A couple of years ago when a tornado hit their home town , I called to check on them . They did not even have the courtesy to let me know they were o. k. . Well guess what
to HELL with them. There is an old saying that you choose your friends but your family is chosen for you. You and Gene have proven to be more faithful and honorable than any of my family. I understand the hurt. but you have something that your family will never have compassion. remember that you and
Gene are loved, cared about, and thought of each and every day.
addendum:
ReplyDeleteI hope everyone knows I am not refering to my sister or brother but rather my cousins. I had a great relationship with my Sis and my brother by birth is a good individual. Sorry if I mislead anyone